saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
