you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
