and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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