question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
