my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
the raccoons are back...
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