I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
