he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
