he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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