I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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