i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
