Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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