Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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