I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
