..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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