the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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