KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
