I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
