I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
be right there i have to get my cape
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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