new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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