Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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