I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
