My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
