it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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