I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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