Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I believe in your delicious
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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