ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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