the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
