Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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