Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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