I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
