I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
