Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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