apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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