I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
