I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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