I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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