I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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