pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize