I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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