Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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