sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
