You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
