hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
