True but thats because hes a fetus.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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