could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
