her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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