Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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