Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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