Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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