I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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