so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
