i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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