her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
