I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
