All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
