My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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