So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
