Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
