a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
