It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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